On Friday our time, Elon Musk rounded up his fans and workers in Texas and held a huge hoedown he called a Cyber Rodeo. The get-together was to celebrate the opening of the Austin Tesla Gigafactory — the largest factory by volume in the world.
Given its name, I thought the shindig was a little shy of robots riding bucking broncos, but it was definitely interesting — provided you fast forward through the boring bits, which you can do below:
Unlike the last time I wrote about an Elon Musk rally, this is not a joke. At least, it was no more of a joke than Elon intended it to be.
On Friday — their Thursday — Tesla pulled off a real feat of organization and efficiency. Not only did they have a huge factory opening, but they also announced a massive recall of 127,785 Model 3 vehicles in China. Now that’s what I call multi-tasking.
It’s also what I call sweeping bad news under the rug.
It’s not Tesla’s largest recall, but the cost could come to hundreds of millions depending on how extensive repairs need to be. It’s not known if any Model 3 cars in Australia or other countries will be affected.
But at the Cyber Rodeo, the positive atmosphere wasn’t marred by any hint of bad news. We didn’t hear a peep about…
- The recall.
- The closure of Tesla’s Shanghai gigafactory due to COVID.
- Current sky-high prices for lithium and other commodities.
- Growing competition in the EV market.
- The fact a known bounty hunter was visible in the audience.
Instead, there was only good news and boundless opportunity, as large and as poorly regulated as Texas itself.
One of these men is feared throughout the galaxy.
The New Factory
The new Austin factory, or Gigafactory as Tesla calls it, because all the sillier names are already taken1, will produce Model Y electric vehicles. According to Elon’s original plan, this was supposed to be a low-cost economy EV, but Tesla abandoned that idea long ago, and they are instead pricey electric SUVs. In Australia, the lowest cost version will apparently start at $68,000, with fancier ones coming in at around $98,000.
We were told the factory will also produce the much delayed Cybertruck next year, but I wouldn’t hold my breath if you’re waiting for them in Australia — or even Texas.
The new factory is in Austin, next to the Colorado River. Austin, as everyone knows, is the birthplace of Steve Austin — the 6 Million Dollar Man. Of course, all that will get you in Texas these days is a hip replacement and a glass eye.
The Rodeo Begins… Slowly
The event’s live stream began with a countdown timer promising there were only 6 minutes and 48 seconds until it started. This was a lie. Once the timer ran down, we had to stare at a message saying “starting soon” for 38 seconds. I guess we’ll have to wait for technology to become far more advanced before we can accomplish feats such as starting a countdown timer 38 seconds earlier.
Chunks Of Info
While waiting for the timer to count down to the “starting soon” sign, we were treated to nuggety chunks of information superimposed over a promotional video. One of them was:
“15,000+ Superchargers in the U.S.”
That sounds impressive, and it is impressive. But that’s not the same as the number of Supercharger locations. As of March 30th, there were 1,315 Tesla Supercharger locations in the United States. Each averaging around a dozen Supercharger units.
We were also told, over an image of a battery pack being made:
“With our new 4680 cells, we’re producing the industry’s first structural battery pack on site.”
Tesla will produce battery cells on-site, but this isn’t the only place they’ll get them from. Panasonic says they will also produce the 4680 cells in multiple locations in Japan.
“Over 70,000 solar panels will help provide the factory with power.”
Notice the word “will” in there? The factory roof “will” probably soon look something like this:
They could fit in more panels with a smaller ego, but 70,000 is good.
But, as far as I can tell, it looks a lot more like this at the moment:
For all I know, Tesla rushed the job, and it now resembles the CGI mockup, but sometimes Tesla finds stretching the truth to be easier than getting things done.
Tesla Model Y Info
We were told the Model Y has “immersive entertainment” and were shown people playing games on the console monitor.
Call me old fashioned, but when I was a kid, you had to be at least eight before you could drive your parents home from the pub.
Also, according to one brief segment, the Model Y has the ability to transport you to Toon Town:
Either a mistake was made putting the video together, or their “immersive entertainment” is a lot more immersive than I expected.
Here’s other information they gave on the Model Y, with relevant parts translated from stupid units into metric:
- 0-97 km/h in as little as 3.5 seconds.
- Drive up to 531 km on a single charge. (I don’t believe this one.)
- Plug-in anywhere — over a video showing an EV charger and a normal US powerpoint being used.
- Or recharge up to 322 km in just 15 minutes. (A very rapid rate.)
Note the words “as little” and “up to”. I’m sure you’ll have to spend “up to” $100,000 for them to apply.
The Tesla Model Y, like the Model 3, has a glass roof. This is not so great for Australia, but some may like it. It could be acceptable in Melbourne, appreciated in Tasmania, and is sure to be a hit at Mawson Station.
They also flashed up some information on the Cybertruck, but I don’t see any point in repeating it until there’s actually a chance of them showing up here.
The Rodeo Begins… But Not Really
After seven and a half minutes of waiting, the presentation finally started… on the next round of waiting for the presentation to start.
For 8 minutes and 27 seconds, we were treated to drone shots of the factory exterior:
Trust me; you don’t want to miss out on Cyber Rod. He’s awesome.
Then we had 14 minutes of drones creating patterns in the sky:
There were around 512 drones to start with, but not all of them made it to the end of the presentation. (I have no reason to believe Texans were shooting them.)
Just in case you were wondering how the state of human/drone relations was going, the first thing they did was give everyone at the factory the finger:
While Skynet flipping off humanity may seem interesting, most of the drone show was more boring aerial shots of the factory.
After the Cyber Rodeo finally finished droning on, Tesla showed us 1 minute and 50 seconds of prerecorded video that suggests, rather than being made, Model Y Electric Vehicles live wild on the plains and are rounded up by cowboys:
“Actually, we prefer the term Cowpersons or Bovine Americans.”
Then, finally, Elon Musk made his appearance by driving a Roadster — the first vehicle Tesla produced — onto a stage. He emerged dressed all in black like some sort of billionaire Johnny Cash. The part of the presentation I’d been waiting for — actual words from a human being’s head — was underway.
But, as his presentation was only 25 minutes and mostly consisted of Musk speaking very slowly with long pauses for cheering from the crowd, there wasn’t a lot of substance.
Translation Note
I’m going to quote Musk’s more important points below, but I will edit them for clarity so they make sense. This is because, in public, Elon Musk only speaks the hard to understand English dialect called Disjointed. Let me know if you think he was trying to say something other than what I wrote down.
Achievement Showcase
After a rock star style introduction, Elon said:
“We’re going to talk about past, present, and future.”
As soon as I heard this, I thought — thank god! At last, someone will give these Americans an English lesson and they’ll finally learn how to pronounce “aluminium”. But it was not to be, and he instead started talking about Tesla’s accomplishments. It seems there have been quite a few of these:
“Thanks to the incredible work of the Tesla team, two-thirds of the electric vehicles in the United States are all made by Tesla.”
I was going to let this statement slide without fact-checking it, but then I reminded myself this was Tesla. I quickly looked it up and saw 79% of EVs sold in the US in 2020 were Teslas, so I assume it’s more or less correct.
Judging by the cheers whenever he said the words “Tesla team”, there were a lot of workers in the crowd, as you’d expect at a factory opening.
Elon went on to say:
“We have full self-driving in beta.”
What? Maybe you mean you have full self-driving on a planet around Beta Centauri because you sure as hell don’t have it here on earth! Maybe he meant to say, “We have full self-aggrandizement in practice.”
I really wish Elon Musk would repudiate his continual calumnies concerning self-driving. It’s going to get someone killed…
…in addition to the people it may have already killed.
Self-driving cars are a thing. They do exist and operate under a restricted set of conditions. But Tesla doesn’t sell any at the moment. While Musk claims the Tesla EVs of those who paid extra for “full self-driving capability” will become fully autonomous at an unspecified point in the future, it won’t be Elon Musk who decides when you no longer have to pay attention to the road in this country. It will be the Department of Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development, and Communications, located in the Profoundly Boring Building in Canberra.
Musk spent a fair bit of time talking about this thing that doesn’t exist yet — at least not for people who think the phrase “full self-driving” has meaning beyond whatever Elon Musk chooses it to be. Then he said this was Tesla’s sixth major factory, and the Texas Gigafactory was now Tesla’s global headquarters.
While he didn’t specifically say this was because he thought cowboys could beat ninjas in a fight, given his cowboy hat, that was my impression. Of course, as many of Tesla’s battery cells come from Japan, this could be exactly what ninjas want us to think.
Musk then made the point the Texas Gigafactory was the largest factory in the world by volume:
“According to our calculations you could fit 194 billion hamsters in this building.”
The screen flashed up a simple layout of the factory behind Elon:
Well, what do you know? In the upper-left portion of the building, they actually are making the future.
Video of batteries being produced in the factory was displayed behind him, and Musk said:
“Over time this will probably be the biggest cell factory in the world.”
We were then told the new gigafactory would produce more vehicles than any other automotive factory in the United States:
“We’re aiming, with just the Model Y program alone, to get to half a million units a year and then we’re gonna start manufacturing Cybertruck here next year.”
According to the screen behind Musk, they plan to produce “one million+ vehicles per year”.
“In the trailing 12 months we’ve delivered over a million cars worldwide.”
Then he said they still have a long way to go:
The red bit is Tesla.
“We’re still like, maybe, a little over 1% of total vehicle output in the world. And we want to get to, I don’t know, 20%. As much as we can to move the needle.”
Musk then said he wouldn’t spill all the beans but gave a list of future developments they were working on:
- Expansion on a massive scale
- Full self-driving
- A dedicated robo-taxi
- A Tesla robot called Optimus
- Production next year will include the Cybertruck, the Roadster sports car, and the Tesla Semi.
I’m sure they’ll produce plenty of Model Ys. As for the rest, I’ll believe it when I see it. If a miracle occurs and Elon is not being too optimistic for once, be sure to let me know.
Did you know some people are actually sceptical about Elon Musk’s promises?
A Cybertrucking Finish
Elon then announced the first deliveries of vehicles from the Texas factory were underway, and a parade of Model Ys drove across the stage. They were followed by a Cybertruck that stopped on stage. It looked slightly different from earlier versions as it had a snub nose and no door handles. Fortunately, this doesn’t mean you need to smash a window to get in.
The land of the rising Cybertruck. (Be sure to get a photo with your phone, everybody. It’s not like there’s any chance of images showing up on the internet.)
Musk said…
“Who needs handles? The car can just tell that you’re there and knows it needs to open.”
This makes me fervently hope that if I ever own a Cybertruck, no one ever tries to find out the minimum amount of Ronald required to open the door.
It also made me wonder how people will get you out of a Cybertruck after a crash. Will it know you are dying and hand bystanders a pry bar? Little details like this make me think the Cybertruck won’t be roadworthy in Australia any time soon.
The presentation then finished with Elon getting in the Cybertruck and driving off while Beethoven’s 8th symphony played and fireworks exploded in the sky above the factory2.
Elon’s Unmentionables
While no mention was made of unpleasant things such as Model 3 recalls and COVID related factory closures, I really wasn’t expecting anything along those lines. I did get what I expected — a huge helping of optimism the size of Texas.
If you believe everything Elon Musk says you’re a fool, but if you don’t want EV production to ramp up to replace internal combustion engine vehicles, you’re also a fool3. Quite possibly a fossil fool. I’m crossing my fingers that Tesla will succeed in producing a vast number of EVs in the coming years. While I’m not sure Elon deserves that much success, I think we do.
Footnotes
- IP trolls had already claimed “Willy Elon and the EV Factory”, while Elon Musk’s Mars colony project is already using “The Torment Nexus”. ↩
- On the first of April, I wrote that Elon Musk left a rally by walking across the water in a swimming pool, but that was hardly more ridiculous than his exit here. ↩
- I’ll let you off the hook if you think everyone should use bicycles and public transport instead of cars, but I think you are being a little idealistic. ↩
About Ronald Brakels
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great article. hilarious. i’m a Enoner but it’s great to take of my rose colored glasses once
Wow, that was an ultra negative article on Tesla. Hang on while I sell my car and shares and shoot myself. Bang! Ok, I’m back.This being the first article I’ve read here I’m wondering are they all like this or are some more balanced?
I wished you’d checked with me before you sold your car. If it was a Tesla Model 3 I would have made you an offer. It’s my favorite EV:
https://www.solarquotes.com.au/blog/tesla-model-3-review/
Structural battery packs may be great for reducing production cost and vehicle weight, but what happens some years down the track, when a part of the pack snuffs it? There is no way to replace a battery module if the pack is neither modular nor able to be reassembled. (Pretty much anything may be disassembled, given a sufficiently large hammer.)
And now you tell me a mid-range Tesla can cost me two BYD Atto 3s.
I could have one charging while driving the other, then.
It’s a pity Elon-bashing has become a bit of a sport in Australia. Some people just can’t resist a cheap shot.
For my money, if it wasn’t for Elon the conversion of the vehicle fleet to evs would be another 10 years down the road, if at all (given what GM did with its ef efforts in the 1970s). Tesla may not have been the very first, but they certainly made them cool and now everyone is jumping on the wagon.
And, remind me who it was who rose to the challenge of providing a big (the first?) battery pack hanging off the grid in SA to facilitate the faster transition to renewable generation? And didn’t it work great and pay back for itself in a ridiculously short period of time?
Oh yeah, and residential battery systems.
And who assembled a team of engineers, put his money on the line, and has cracked the nut of reusable rockets for launching satellites?
It sure as hell wasn’t any of us. More power to him, that’s what I reckon.
This! 100 per cent!
EV’s would still be just Nissan Leafs (Yawn) and that is probably it, if not for Elon and his eternal optimism. It’s nice to be a glass half full person sometimes, and Elon is always an optimist. I actually like that, and like what’s happened with the few shares that I own. He has built an incredible team, an incredible company (or three!)
Meanwhile our 2.5 year old Model 3 is BY FAR the best car we have ever owned. Seriously!
We had a huge day of driving, and a funeral, and a family visit, and babysitting grandchildren, and finally home very late for a fourteen hour 420 kilometre day on Monday – (all without charging enroute.) Autopilot did the vast majority of the driving. I simply couldn’t have done a day like that with ANY other car. (I’m much closer to 70 than 60.)
I love much of Ronald’s work on solar etc, but I just don’t understand Ronald’s negativity on this. It does sound a bit like jealousy.
“Put down your weapon.”
You are not a Journalist it’s obvious but you are not following your own rule.
Fair, factual, unbiased.
You are sounding a bit jealous and challenged. You shouldn’t he is in another league by a large factor.
Yes he has built it up to be the biggest thing on Earth, prone to some exaggeration I agree, but what a mind and effort.
I have found it hard to sort out fact from fiction. Don’t we all?
Your site appears factual, but you discredit yourself with this article.
If there is anything in the article that is incorrect, let me know and I’ll update it.
Having been to a rodeo and conference events in Austin, what’s missing is what is normal for Americans and Aussie or Kiwi AMP or Ekka or Easter shows. The cultural difference was huge the first time 30 years ago.
I like satire but needed more credit to Musketeers.
1. Biggest factory globally built in 2 years.
2. Scaling from zero to 0.5m over next year plan. Tesla is already most productive auto manufacturing company in USA. They make a car each 12 hours, VW is 24.
3. I have never seen a factory built like that fast in Australia.
4. Looking at FSD versus robotaxis from cruise, Zoox, Waymo, pony.ai at 60,000 deployed to date is 2 orders of magnitude more than others, and like others have an engineer in the front. Not ready yet. But able to drive from SF to LA without a single intervention? Getting there, slowly.
5. Today, in Aus, we have 1400 road deaths. 46,000 hospitalization. $30 billion cost. Robotaxis from Cruise, Waymo TSLA would cut that today by 95%. Which regulatory body would not jump to it. Which family with a crash paraplegic for life would stop it.
6. The most important announcement was that Tesla would introduce a dedicated robotaxi at scale. Change from individual ownership to transport as a service.
Happy to write an opinion piece on this.
For me it was a cultural cringe. And I reckon you missed the significance.
And is Tesla’s GigaBerlin factory the nearest competitor to GigaTexas?
Its establishment speed is even more impressive given that it took the Germans ten years to open an airport, buried as it was in paperwork needed for approvals. Elon Musk grasped that bull by the horns by risking the obligation to demolish, and regenerate the prior landscape, if final approval did not materialise. (I would have built in Poland, on the German border for workforce commuting.)
With two new factories ramping up, he’s on track to scale from last year’s 936,000 EVs to around two million this year. How he plans to make enough cars to consume all the lithium he has contracted for the next four years is something I haven’t yet figured out. Three million in 2023 is a doddle, but can he scale the existing factories further?
For a man spending half his time on the hobby of inventing and productionising the infrastructure for transporting a self sustaining enclave to Mars, he’s doing OK on the EV front, I’d suggest. His Raptor 2 rocket engine has eclipsed the previous world’s best, the Russian RD180, at a tenth of the price. And yet it is good for 50 missions, while the previous best is not reused. If USA does revisit the moon, SLS won’t make it. They’ll just contract SpaceX to fit it in between replacing both Russian and USA national contributions to supplying and orbit boosting the space station. A man whose part-time hobby replaces the space capability of two superpowers has to be doing something right.
And when Ukraine needed international help to substitute for war-ravaged internet infrastructure, Elon Musk has within ten hours tweaked the Starlink network access control software to let Ukraine in, and shipped the first load of terminals. Now the artillery spotting drones send target coordinates to the batteries via Starlink, and Russian tanks are exploding by the hundred.
His vision is no more than that of a million others, but his ability to foster invention of working solutions to challenging problems, and implement them, is superhuman. No wonder that it is joked that he is in a hurry to go to Mars because he wants to go home.
I believe the China recall will be addressed by an over the air update, and will therefore cost pretty much nothing:
https://electrek.co/2022/04/07/tesla-recalls-vehicles-china-but-another-software-update-fix/
While what I read sounded pretty serious, if it can be fixed by an over-the-air update it would be a huge cost saving.
I wouldn’t have thought that a rare set of circumstances that may result in the seatbelt warning chime not alerting a driver who had not buckled up should be described as “pretty serious”?
Pehaps you could update the article to mention that the is likely only an over the air software update that is not likely to cost million s of dollars?
With a quick search, I haven’t been able to find any information on what the recall is likely to involve. Do you have any links?
Yes David,
This!
But let’s not let facts get in the way of a great “story”.
Software bugs that can be very quickly fixed with over the air updates should in my opinion not even be called “a recall”.
I honestly think that for some strange reason someone has a very big chip on his shoulder about Teslas, and Elon, probably not helped by the fact that he managed a big speeding fine when he test drove a Model 3.
Geez this article was so anti Elin anti Tesla. I don’t understand why so much negativity? Are you depressed? Are you ok? It’s the largest factory in the world, why not say something nice? Jeolousy? putting succesful people down is not helpful to anyone. Imagine designing and building a car that’s gonna change the whole car industry. And then production of this CAR is the biggest in the world. Imagine being famous for doing this… then reading such negativity….it’s just depressing. Tesla will be self driving… Imagine all the ad crashes this will stop people can t leave thier phones alone while driving…. this is gonna be life changing for planet earth. now please be kind.
I thought it was pretty positive, eg: “I’m crossing my fingers that Tesla will succeed in producing a vast number of EVs in the coming years.”