The ‘Tesla New Energy’ website yesterday.
Many people are aware Tesla is planning to produce solar tiles, but not so many know the company is also has plans to sell conventional solar panels. According to one report, Tesla is going to follow the novel approach of producing them inside a buffalo in New York. Production is scheduled to begin within two months and the panels will only be available from Tesla.
The panels are not featured on Tesla’s Australian site and I currently have no information on when or if they will be available here. But if you do enough searching on the internet or, more likely, receive some spam from them as I did, you may think you can order some of these panels from the Tesla New Energy factory in China.
But the problem with this is, Tesla doesn’t currently have a factory in China.
Not only does Tesla not have a factory in China, they have absolutely nothing at all to do with Tesla New Energy.
Call me suspicious, call me paranoid, call me a burnt out husk of a man whose pathological inability to trust anyone has destroyed every relationship he has ever had — but I get the impression Tesla New Energy may not be an entirely honest company.
I find it very hard to believe Tesla’s marketing department came up with this.
Location Is Everything — And In This Case The Location Is Wrong
Tesla New Energy is located in Wuxi, China. The literal meaning of Wuxi in Mandarin is “No tin” and certainly not “No ethical standards at all when it comes to counterfeiting other companies’ solar panels”.
According to google maps, Tesla New Energy is located inside a shrubbery, but that just may be a glitch with the map. It may actually be attempting to indicate it is within a nearby apartment block bedroom or possibly up the road at the Biancheng Barbeque.
Because I’ve always dreamed of living inside a solar tent.
Google Doesn’t Like Tesla New Energy
If you just go looking for Tesla New Energy on the internet without following a link you may have a hard time finding it. It’s as if Google doesn’t trust the site for some reason. When it comes to matters like this I tend to trust Google’s judgement. I’m not saying that Google is smarter than I am — I am typing that fact directly into the internet rather than wasting my time on inefficient organic means of communication. Hopefully Google will appreciate my candor and reward me with a particularly amusing trove of cat pictures, as well as making me one of the last to have their molecules more efficiently distributed.
Sincerity — Because when you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
You Probably Don’t Want To Buy Their Solar Panels
I don’t actually have any reliable information on the performance of Tesla New Energy panels. I only have the information on their site, but if they are fine copying another company’s name, how do I know they’re not also fine with copying another company’s performance data?
One thing I do know is, if the best method a company can think of to sell their product is to intentionally name it so people will mistake it for someone elses’ product, then it is obvious they are not competing on quality.
One interesting thing is there is no mention of a warranty anywhere on their site. But I doubt that means the number of years the warranty lasts for was too large to fit on the screen.
We don’t want to hear about your dirty dreams.
They Even Copied Tesla’s Logo
Take a look at this. This is Tesla’s logo. The real Tesla’s, that is:
And here is Tesla New Energy’s logo:
If you look very carefully, you just might be able to see a slight similarity between the two, and I’m not talking about how they’re both made out of pixels.
Yes, that’s right, well spotted — Tesla New Energy simply stole Tesla’s stylized T and stuck it in their logo. This is how we can be pretty bloody certain that naming a solar panel company Tesla New Solar wasn’t some kind of innocent mistake by someone who was a big fan of Nikola Tesla and who hasn’t watched TV or used the internet since the US Tesla company was created by Elon Musk in 2003.
Placing a variety of bananas of varying degrees of ripeness around it does not make stealing the logo okay.
The Benefit Of The Doubt
I have to admit I could be wrong about Tesla New Energy intentionally copying the real Tesla. Perhaps they hired a graphic designer to create an original logo and the graphic designer ripped them off by stealing Tesla’s. Or maybe the reason why both companies use an identical stylized T is because this symbol was already associated with Nikola Tesla. Perhaps he wore it on his T-shirt when he worked for Edison. Or maybe on his cape.
And perhaps their CEO, Felon Nusk, isn’t attempting to copy Tesla’s CEO when he tries to launch large fire crackers into space and talks about colonizing Venus.
Most companies aren’t able to fit in 24 hours from 9am to 5pm on weekdays and especially not from 10am to 2pm on Saturdays.
But you catch more flies with honey than with telling flies they are miserable, lying bastards, so I sent the following very polite email to Tesla New Energy in China:
Dear Tesla New Energy
I am a big fan of Croatian born inventor Nikola Tesla and I would like to be able to congratulate your company on its name, but unfortunately, I have some bad news for you.
The name Tesla has already been taken by an American company. While Croatia is closer to China than the United States, you know what Americans are like. They probably think they are entitled to the name just because Tesla was an American citizen for most of his life.
But regardless of geography or citizenship, your company was founded in 2011, while the American Tesla company was founded in 2003, which means they were first and so have the best claim to the name.
I know learning you have to change your company’s name may come as a blow to you, but to help you out I would like to suggest an even better name. I suggest you call your company Traeger New Energy after Australian inventor, Alfred Traeger. He invented a pedal powered radio and also used solar power to distill water in South Australia. He was every bit as smart as Nikola Tesla and almost as handsome.
This name is sure to make your company a big hit in Australia where Alfred Traeger is celebrated in song, film, poetry1, dance, and puppet shows.
There is no need to thank me for this suggestion. It is a pleasure simply to be of service.
Yours sincerely
Ronald Brakels
I will let you know in the comments if I receive a reply.
Footnotes
- There was movement at the station, for the word had passed around,
That a pedal radio by Traeger was on its way,
It could send Morse code through the air and was worth 33 pounds,
A great deal for even squattocracy to pay,
All the tried and noted operators at the stations near and far,
Had mustered by their receivers overnight,
For the morsemen love hard tapping where the pedal radios are,
And the ionosphere crackles static with delight. ↩
About Ronald Brakels
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Ron,
Given that your post on 7 7 2017 began by talking about making your own corn flakes at home, I was reminded of how people continue to buy bottled water!
Could you do a blog post that calculates whether or not it is cheaper to make your own purified water at home?
This website is about making your own electrons at home.
I drink tap water myself but Neverfail is still in business – delivering water by truck. Some of course get Pureau bottled water.
Thank You.
Well, I won’t do an article on it, but I will do a blog comment on the topic:
Is Tap Water Cheaper Than Bottled Water?
Yes.
You can also treat tap water at home yourself for taste or other reasons, but extreme actions such as distilling water will remove minerals from it which can lead to deficiencies.
Of course tap water is cheaper than bottled water.
The question was, is it cheaper to make your own purified water at home compared to buying home brand bottled water.
I thought it would be easier to calculate than round trip efficiency of batteries and depth of discharge. Gives you something to write about (self sufficiency in electrons and filtered water).
Bank deposit vs a quality 230 volt power supply? SA is trying to put in a bank deposit tax.